The air is getting freaky. The days are getting shorter. Halloween is around the corner. Americans are expected to spend $9.1 billion on Halloween. Costumers will spend $86.13 on average to gear up. According to World Book Encyclopedia, “Halloween developed from an ancient pagan festival celebrated by Celtic people over 2,000 years ago in the area that is now the U.K., Ireland, and Northern France. The festival was called ‘Samhain’ (pronounced SOW ehn), which means ‘summer’s end,’ and it marked the beginning of the dark winter season. It was celebrated around Nov. 1. In the ninth century, the Catholic Church established a new holiday‚ All Saint’s Day, also called All Hallows. ‘Hallow’ means ‘saint’ or ‘one who is holy.’ The evening before All Hallows was known as All Hallow’s Eve, which was eventually shortened to Halloween.” 

The founder of the church of satan, Anton Szandor LaVey, who is now deceased said, “Two major holidays, HALLOWEEN and Walpurgisnacht are celebrated by the Church of Satan. I am glad that Christian parents let their children worship the devil at least one night out of the year. Welcome to Halloween.” Wiccans celebrate 8 holidays. Most important one is Samhain (Halloween). Those who practice voodoo and other witchcraft see this event as sacred. What Easter and Christmas are to Christians, Halloween is to the occult world. 

After seeing people get delivered from demons on a regular basis and the damage demons cause to people, I don’t understand how anyone in their right mind can celebrate that. 

Why don’t I celebrate Halloween? Because it… 

1. Promotes fear. As Christians, we celebrate faith. We are believers. We belong to the household of faith. We have a spirit of faith. We have the gift of faith, and are called to live lives of faith! Perfect love casts out fear, not celebrates it! 

1. Promotes darkness. Jesus is the light of the world. We are called to be a light to this world. The Word of God is Light. Nothing about Christianity is darkness! Heaven will never be overshadowed by night. 

1. Promotes death. The only death we remember is Jesus’. It defeated the grave and death. We believe in the cross, not a skull! 

If we imitate the world, we lose our distinction; if we isolate from the world, we lose our influence. Christians need to engage the culture if we expect to make an impact but the Bible is clear about not conforming to our culture. 

Pastor Vlad Savchuk   

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Why is forgiveness so important and vital for every believer? What do Jesus and the  Scripture Teach about forgiveness? 

“ And when you stand praying, if you hold anything against anyone, forgive them, so that your Father in heaven may forgive you your sins” (Mk 11, 25).  

“ If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive us our sins and purify us from all unrighteousness” (1 Jn 1, 9).   
  
 “Then Peter came to Jesus and asked, “Lord, how many times shall I forgive my brother or sister who sins against me? Up to seven times?” Jesus answered, “I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times”  (Mt  18, 21-22).  

“Do not judge, and you will not be judged. Do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven.”(Luke 6, 37). 

There are many places in the Bible where it is stated that forgiveness is first needed for us, those who are angry or hurt. If we do not forgive those who have trespassed against us, we will not be forgiven ourselves. This means that we will be accused of not forgiving. We only make it worse for ourselves by being angry and unwilling to forgive. But when a friend betrays your trust, someone steals from you or hurts your family in any way, it seems so natural to get angry and want revenge for the injustice caused to you. 

To desire justice is one thing, but to carry anger in your heart, which in the long run always grows into bitterness and hatred, is another thing altogether. Some psychologists argue that not forgiving can affect you both emotionally and physically. For example, it can cause an increase in blood pressure, depression or other chronic diseases. And what about the harm that can be caused between husband and wife? The Bible reads, ”Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” (Ephesians 4, 32). Often, we hear someone who has forgiven has their physical illnesses healed by God. So, unforgiveness and anger that have been held for a long time are like a poison, it harms us physically. 

What does it mean to forgive? 

Forgiveness is a gift given to anyone that is hurt or has hurt someone. The Greek word in the Bible translates to “forgive”, literally means “let go”. Jesus himself prayed on the cross to his father: “Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do” (Luke 23, 34).  Jesus realised that people do not always understand what they are doing and what consequences it can cause. He prayed to his Father to forgive us, for he loved everyone, even those who had tortured and abused him. The Bible teaches that the foundation of true forgiveness is selfless love because it does not hold hurt. Forgiveness is a choice of free will, it does not relate to how big the guilt is or how hard the situation is, it is also not related to the feelings of a man or the emotional condition at the time. 

Is it easy to forgive? 

It does not say anywhere in the bible that you should only forgive when it is easy but when it’s hard you don’t. It is a simple fact that we need to forgive to be forgiven. It seems so easy, but in real life, it’s not that easy to do.  However, our pain or loss, should not speak louder than Gods divine truth. When we decide to forgive, we do not look at the pain, we simply choose the correct way out. It is always easier for me to forgive when I have poured out my heart to the Lord in prayer. I try to tell God about all my feelings and in the end, I always ask Him to help me forgive my perpetrators because I know that where I am still weak, He is strong.  

Is forgiving the same as forgetting and living as if nothing has happened? 

No not at all! Forgiveness does not mean forgetting. By forgiving, we do not expect what has been lost to be restored but trust must be rebuilt. If a husband or wife has lost trust in one another, that trust must be restored by taking very specific actions and putting in a conscious effort. “Whoever conceals their sins does not prosper, but the one who confesses and renounces them finds mercy.” (Pro 28, 13). It is not enough to confess your guilt alone; you need to stop making the same mistake. My forgiveness does not mean that I continue to let someone mistreat and exploit me.  

Forgiveness does not mean: 

       To accept inappropriate behaviour. Those who call evil deeds harmless or justify them are condemned in the Bible (See Isaiah 5, 20). 

       Pretend that nothing happened.  Although God forgave King David’s sins, He did not protect him from the consequences of the sinful behavior. The consequences of David’s sins was Gods will and are remembered to this day (see 2 Samual 12, 9-13). 

       Let people exploit you. For example, if you lend money to someone, but they waste that money and has no way of giving the money back to you; you forgive them and forget the debt, but this does not mean you should borrow the money again in the future (Psalm 37, 21; Also 14, 15; Galatians 6, 7).  

      Forgiving made up grievances. It is hard to admit that sometimes the pain and anger that we feel has no foundation. The Bible says, “ Don’t become angry quickly, because anger is foolish.“  (Ecclesiastes 7, 9).   

We need to forgive almost every day sometimes even a few times. It is no secret that if we do not forgive, we harden our hearts and the state of our heart is important to God. When we close the door to our heart to a person, we also close them to God, and when we forgive, we open our hearts again. Anger and resentment stop us, it prevents us from moving forward, we end up stuck in one place ceasing to mature and rejoice in the things that surround us. When we accept our neighbor as they are with all their faults, it is easier to be more forgiving. If we focus on what others did wrong, it is very easy to forget what they did that was good. Do we want to be like that? Remember, nobody is perfect, you are not the exception. Let us be sensitive and forgiving spirits, and let God be the judge. 

Jūratė Kapačinskienė

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“Did God put you together?” When I ask that question of a married couple, they almost always say yes. Then I ask “Why did He put you together?” 

I get blank stares. 

We believe God made us for each other, but many of us have no idea why. Helping couples discover God’s purpose for their marriage is one of the things I am most passionate about. It can absolutely transform your relationship. 

Here are three things I want you to know: 

In five years, you will not be the same. 

Better or worse, you’ll be different. 

Success happens on purpose and never by accident. 

To reach a certain point in your marriage, you’ll have to work at it. 

In marriage, success only happens if you’re both committed to the same purpose. 

Amos 3:3 asks “Do two walk together unless they have agreed to do so?” If you’re not in agreement, your marriage—the longest journey of your life—will be a constant challenge. 

Keeping those facts in mind, I want you to know that finding the purpose for your marriage means starting with the big questions. Not “Where will we live?” or “How many kids should we have?” but “Why are we here?” 

The answer is simple. God created us for relationship, to have a relationship with Him and a relationship with each other. This is reflected in Jesus’ teaching about the two greatest commandments: to love God and to love people. Relationships are why we exist, and He wants us to have successful relationships. 

On the other hand, the devil wants to destroy relationships by either separating us from God or separating us from each other—especially from our spouse. Satan is always trying to divide. 

One way he divides is by separation. 

We see this in Genesis with Adam and Eve. God put them in a perfect paradise, but Satan convinces them that God was evil. He accuses God. He tries to divide Adam and Eve from God. And by speaking first to Eve, he divides Adam and Eve from each other. 

He does this to couples today in so many different ways. 

The second thing the devil does is substitution. 

He shows the fruit to Adam and Eve and tells them they didn’t need God; they only need the fruit. Today, He makes us believe things will make us happier: money, a new job, a new spouse. He is always trying to get us to substitute things for our marriage or for God. 

Separation and substitution are the Devil’s schemes for marriage. But God’s plan for marriage is relationship—to bring us closer to our spouse, and to bring us closer to Him. His plan for our life is that we love Him and love people, especially our family. 
Satan’s plan is to make us lonely and divided and always unsatisfied. We end up chasing after things. 

God’s plan is for us to pursue Him and pursue relationship. The opportunity to love God and each other is the reason God put you together. It doesn’t get any more complicated than that. 

Jimmy Evansas
„Marriage Today“ founder

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Porn is a HUGE problem for many marriages today. Nearly every day, I receive messages from husbands and wives who are heartbroken over their spouse’s porn habit. They are desperate to figure out what to do next to help their spouse break their habit and restore the trust and intimacy that has been lost in their relationship. I am no stranger to this situation, as I have shared with you in other blogs many times. So, what are we supposed to do when we find out our spouse has a porn habit? Well, it’s a process, and these six steps are a good start: 

1. Try to stay calm.

Calm your anger and abandon wrath. Don’t be angry— it only leads to evil. Psalm 37:8 

When you find out that your spouse has been looking at porn, it’s easy to want to freak out on them. But, that won’t get us very far; in fact, it will only make things worse. Sure, we have every reason to be upset and angry, and it’s healthy to let tears flow. However, we can’t allow rage to get ahold of us by staying angry. Instead, we must pray and ask God to give us peace that surpasses understanding. We must also ask God to give us the words to talk to our spouse about this issue and ask Him to prepare our spouse’s heart and mind to be ready to confess and address their porn habit. When we pray, God calms our spirit and gives us a clearer view of how we need to approach a situation. 

So, please know that it is okay to be angry and heartbroken over this. What your spouse has done is wrong and goes against your marriage. However, your ability to calmly address the issue will pave the path for their recovery and the restoration of your marriage. 

2. Recognize that porn is an enemy to your marriage, and address the issue as soon as possible.

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. Matthew 5:28 

The porn industry is a juggernaut. They bring in more revenue than all the major television networks combined. And, they’ve got sinful human nature on their side. Any of us can fall to this temptation if we aren’t careful. For years, the porn industry has tried to convince the world that porn is simply a way to spice things up in your relationship or a means to satisfy your sexual appetite. They want us to believe that it is harmless, but this couldn’t be farther from the truth. 

Studies have shown that porn desensitizes us over time, and therefore, it takes more and more to satisfy our sexual appetite. That is precisely why it is detrimental to our marriage. We are nearly incapable of being sexually satisfied by our spouse when our porn habit rules us. 

So, if you find porn on your spouse’s computer, and they confess to having a porn addiction, both of you must call porn what it is–sin and an enemy to your marriage. You can’t brush it off and act like it will go away on its own. A porn habit left unchecked often becomes a full-blown addiction. Therefore, you both must address it head-on and work together to get your spouse the help they need to overcome the habit. 

3. FORGIVE your spouse quickly.

You are the people of God; he loved you and chose you for his own. So then, you must clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Be tolerant with one another and forgive one another whenever any of you has a complaint against someone else. You must forgive one another just as the Lord has forgiven you. Colossians 3:12-13 
It was St. Augustine, who said, “Holding a grudge is like drinking poison and hoping the other person dies.” Isn’t that the truth? When we refuse to forgive, we are the ones who hurt the most. Consequently, our relationships remain stagnant. For healing to take place, we must forgive. 

Your spouse broke your trust by looking at porn, but holding it over their head won’t heal them or your marriage. Forgiveness is what makes healing possible. 

Forgiving your spouse for their porn habit doesn’t mean that you are okay with what they did. It just means that you are willing to pursue healing over vengeance. You are willing to give them a chance to rebuild your trust. 

4. Help your spouse to have accountability.

Without counsel, plans fail, but with many advisers, they succeed. Proverbs 15:22 

This step is essential to breaking a porn habit or addiction. My husband and I are big fans of XXXChurch.com, which offers amazing resources and accountability software to help people recover from their porn habit and heal their relationship. There are also a lot of resources for those trying to cope with their spouse’s porn habit and recovery. You can even talk to someone on the phone who can walk you through this by enrolling in online support groups. 

Whatever you do, make sure you both take measures to hold them accountable when it comes to their porn addiction. This may mean that your spouse doesn’t have access to their smartphone or home computer for a time. Your spouse may need to join a support group for those trying to recover from a porn habit. They may even need to start seeing a Christian counselor regularly, as well. Any or all of these steps will help your spouse to move towards healing, and as their spouse, you can encourage them to get the help they need. 

5. Know that your spouse’s porn habit is NOT your fault.

But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. James 1:14 

When I found porn on my husband’s computer many years ago, I was shocked and heartbroken. I couldn’t believe that he was looking at those disgusting sites. I was so angry and hurt, and I started to feel inadequate. I wondered why he had felt the need to look at porn, and I felt like I was the one to blame. All these negative thoughts started filling my mind telling me that I wasn’t pretty enough, or sexy enough, or good enough to satisfy my husband. I blamed myself. 

As I have talked with many women in this same predicament over the years, I’ve realized this is a common sentiment. As spouses, we so long to be desirable to one another. So, when we find out that our spouse has sought out sexual satisfaction through pornography, we feel completely undesirable. It stings deeply. Sometimes, we need to sit down and talk to a counselor to process.  

Please know that you did nothing wrong. You did not lead your spouse to develop a porn addiction. It’s not your fault–it’s sin. We live in a sex-saturated world full of sinful opportunities, and your spouse, like mine, fell for it. As human beings, we aren’t perfect. At times, we are easily tempted, and we fail miserably. We get caught in webs we didn’t even know we were actively weaving before we’re completely entangled with no easy way out. The good news is, we serve a God of second chances. He doesn’t leave us to suffer in shame and despair. He offers us forgiveness, healing, and new life through Jesus. 

6. Remember that recovery and healing takes time, prayer, and patience–but, it will come when you both refuse to give up.

He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. Psalm 147:3 

Though it’s not easy, you must try your very best to be patient with your spouse’s recovery process and your emotional healing. You may have mixed feelings about being intimate with your spouse after finding out that they have a porn habit, and that is understandable. Take it little by little. Talk to your spouse about how you are feeling, and ask them how they are feeling, too. Keep the dialogue going, and this will help you both to stay connected and move towards healing. There is hope for your spouse to recover from porn. Your heart will heal, and your marriage and intimacy will be restored through prayer, patience, and persistence to pursue healing through these steps. You are not alone. 

For more tools to help you build a strong marriage, please check out The Naked Marriage Podcast and join us for one of our live events happening all around the nation. You can learn more at xomarriage.com. 

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